So Stupid

When I was younger, I was so sure. Sure that God love me, and had constant communication with Him. I was sure what I was called to do. I was sure that I was ok just the way that He had created me. I never had any vanity about being beautiful or wanted by men. I knew my worth lie elsewhere.

So when did I become so......stupid? I spend all this time affirming women, their worth, God's beautiful design for their lives. I barely believe what I say. No I do believe it, but for everyone else it is so easy, but so difficult for myself.

I know it doesn't matter what I look like or what size I am. I know I am loved the way I am.

but I look in the mirror, and I am ashamed to be seen, ashamed that my man has to ever be seen with me. The only time I am completely comfortable, is when I am alone. I have fought loneliness for so many years now, and all of a sudden all I want is to be around no one. Stupid.